I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
