Everything about him screamed your future.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
