physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
