i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
