none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
