Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
