Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
