I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
