a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
