Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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