Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
