I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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