I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
