Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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