i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
