sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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