I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
