if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
