I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
