the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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