just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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