wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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