It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I wear drunk well.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
