nut hugger
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
