best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
