So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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