Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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