I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
