Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
