Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
