I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you win again, gameday.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
