If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
