...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
