dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
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