I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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