Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
