its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
