i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you had me at cake vodka
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
