Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
