I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Someone shattered a urinal.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
