Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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