some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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