is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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