Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
