billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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