why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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