I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
