Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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