You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
