I don't think brook has ever known best
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
